Dear Hanti(s), as your about to start a relationship, don’t do the following when you meet a new guy. Don’t! i say.
1. Don’t take your friends along with you when he invites you on a date. It’s not a community feeding program, respect yourself!
2. Don’t go to his house unannounced. If you do, carry whatever you see.
3. Don’t ask him for money all the time. It is a relationship not poverty allevation scheme.
4. Don’t compare him to your ex or talk about your ex, only if he requests. Keep your ex gist in the recycle bin in your head compartment, it is your ex not our ex.
5. Don’t get drunk on your first outing with him. Don’t, i repeat don’t!
6. Don’t wear see through or exposing outfits on your first outings. It is a date not a runaway show.
7. Don’t bore him with all your family or personal issues ( my house caught fire, my AC is not working, my rent is due ). He is not your peronal lord and saviour.
8. Don’t talk about marriage on a first date. You people aren’t that deep, stay on one lane, stop swerving!
9. Don’t pry about the size of his pocket, his earnings or the car he drives ( Do you drive a G wagon ? Are you a millionaire ? ). Informations of such are meant for FIRS and his pension managers.
10. Don’t be too quick to post his picture on instagram, Facebook, (social media) etc. It could be you are a joint owner stop don’t!
11. Don’t go out without “vex money” or a simple transport fare “bailout” money. Always fortify yourself with extra change so that i happened to me won’t occur.
12. Don’t lie you’re a virgin and don’t lie about your age ( Some ladies say they’re 22 when they’re 29). Speak the truth and it shall set you free.
13. Don’t order what you don’t know how to eat or you’re allergic to all because you’re forming sophisticated. Stop acting posh when you’re a mixture of local and pako, be yourself!
14. Don’t ask to meet his Mother or Father. Only if he suggests. Don’t be a Speed Darlington, stop pressing forward!
15. Don’t be rude or nasty to the waiter or waitress just because you want to impress or be a diva. Keep that your dirty character inside your bag and behave yourself!
16. Don’t talk to him about your body count or guys you’ve slept with. YOUR STANDARD / DEFAULT body count is (2) guys. You think Unku wee take you serious after hearing you’re an ANIMASHUAN.
17. Don’t form British or American accent or any form of accent you can’t keep up with. It is not a soundcity audition so don’t fake the accent.
18. Don’t think you’re an automatic girlfriend after the first sexual encounter. Unku might be just testing his shooting ability so don’t assume.
19. When your friends call you on a date don’t describe him in a derogatory manner eg I’m with that guy who has “Bastard Money”. Keep your local swagger in check.
20. Don’t start leaving clothes and tooth brush stylishly at his place. Unku might be using it to clean his shoes, so stop trying to form territory.
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