We are about to unite these two people in flesh and blood anyone with objection should protest now by raising up his/her hands now or remain silent forever. One! Two!! Three!!!
If you don’t want your Ex-lover raising up his hand at this delicate session before the final declaration as man and wife, you have to end it all well. Being a female is not an easy task and making hard choices is one of our challenges.
A woman in her prime passes through different relationship stages which I will enlighten us on in the second part of this write up. During these stages we will meet different guys with ranging motives. But the true one that stands strong at last makes it to the altar with you. Now it is your turn not to let your past relationships hurt your present.
Some men find it difficult to let go of a woman they were once in love with. Even when the woman is into someone else, they vow to destroy her happiness. The most shameful time to ruin a union is at the altar which some desperate men don’t mind doing.
The best way to end a relationship should align with a term called ‘PEACEFUL BREAKUP’ in which both parties agree to the break up and promise never to interfere with each other’s future. Some even end up as friends although this is not advisable for those who have moved on. A woman needs to clear her path before fixing her wedding date if she doesn’t want to be humiliated on her supposed joyful day.
Fixing a wedding date with one, without breaking up with the others is a very dangerous gamble, which could lead to revengeful acts by the distressed party. The careless lady may end up loosing on both sides. There is another possibility of an obsessed ex ruining the lady’s present happiness. But most women lead themselves into trouble by keeping silent. “An obsessed man cannot differentiate his obsession from love, he is ready to have you to himself even if it takes force and violence to achieve this.”
The acronym; SECURE is a formula for dealing with an obsessed lover;
S–Send him your wedding invitation card, or better still, deliver it to him yourself and see how bad his reaction is. If it is still under control, then you have nothing to worry about, he will get over it. But if he seems bent on destroying your joyful day, definitely he needs to be handled with more attention.
E– Explain to your fiancée, Love they say conquers it all. If you both are truly in love, it’s no big deal telling your fiancée about the thorn in your flesh. It is even advisable to inform your fiancée about important details of your past so that even if it haunts your future, he would be by your side all through it. He would help you win the battle.
C– Call for security. If he needs to be warned or threatened, either way, he needs to be put in place. He needs to sign an undertaken not to harm you or your fiancée in anyway because obsessed men are desperate and dangerous.
U- Understand his obsession. It’s important to know the main reason why he cannot let go of you, if it is a sweet memory he can’t get off his head, you have to make him see it as past and somehow worthless at present. Don’t visit him alone or at his house, a very important fact to note if you don’t want to be forced to bed with him.
R-Reassure you are safe, make sure he doesn’t get the opportunity to enter your wedding venue. Sending him your invitation card is not to invite him to your wedding but to show him you are already taken. So he is an unwanted guest at your wedding. He mustn`t get the chance to appear at the wedding because if he ruins it by stopping the vow, your husband might understand but your in-laws may not. And of course, guests will have something to gossip about.
E-End your ties and go ahead with your true love. Whatever you have of him as your symbol of love, return it. Let him understand it is not meant for you. Don’t let old memories draw you back to him. Just shut him out and get married.
Yekinni Mufliat Omolabake, a writer on love and relationship writes from Ilorin, Kwara State.